hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
