I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
