Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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