why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize