broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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