Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
