may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
