They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
