every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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