well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
