don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
