she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
