Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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