i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
