so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
