You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
