help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
