It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
