Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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