there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
