I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
