so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
