ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
