Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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