When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
