yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
