saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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