And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dear god my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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