There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
