If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I understand Curling. That high.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
