He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dear god my vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
