just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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