He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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