just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
