I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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