this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
