You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
