I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.