So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.