I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.