I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
