I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
