In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
