My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
