what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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