theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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