if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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