I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
