dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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