I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize