the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
