I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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