He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
