Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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