I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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