I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
