How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
