at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
