if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
