Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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