my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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