Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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