Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS