He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
