Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
