My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
