He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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