The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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