When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
