So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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