if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
