I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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