yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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