I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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