My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
