I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
