I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
