Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
