So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
