Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
