i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In other news, I just burned my penis
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
