he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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