This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she pinky promised me she was 18
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
