She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
operation harelip BJ is a go
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
