I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
