he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
