Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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