Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
