And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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