thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
