what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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