I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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