I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
