Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
