I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
