Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
