I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
